In life obstacles always come our way. One of the hardest obstacles is when they enter our family. I've found that it's much easier to deal with these obstacles if we are prepared. You may be wondering, but how do I prepare for obstacles that I don't know are coming? A great way to be prepared is to know what resources & strengths you have.
Resilient Family
First off, to be in the best position for a crisis, a family needs to be functioning well. This is best achieved when the family has learned how to work together, which develops strengths. So, let's look at some strengths, that a resilient family or a family that has developed strengths, has. There's
-communication in beliefs and emotions
-shared leisure activities
-social support network of friends and family
-acceptance of each member's personality and behavior
-sharing routines such as family meals and chores
-celebrations including birthdays, religious events and other special events
-health both physically and emotionally
-good financial management
-good traditions that carry over from one generation to another
-commitment to the family, the belief that family members have control over their lives and a sense that family can deal with all challenges.
Basically, to me it means working to create good relationships with your family now, so that you can overcome difficulties together later. You may be wondering if this really works. I can say that from personal experience that even though family crisis are hard, they are much easier to deal with when you know you have your family to help each other and support one another. If you don't have that kind of relationship with your family now, I highly recommend that you work on it now by doing those things that were listed. Even just spending time as a family to share dinner together, without electronics, is a great place to start and build better relationships.
Tools for Coping
Taking responsibility for yourself and your family. This means you don't avoid the problem or blame others and you don't play the victim. Even though you may have been victimized by someone or something, you don't continue to act as a victim-oppressed, hurt, in pain, exploited and helpless, you learn to move past this. For instance, in the circumstances of a divorce, you make a new course for your life, instead of just being the victim. Another way to take responsibility may be confronting someone about a problem they have, such as drug abuse. The family may have to confront the individual and tell them they have a severe problem and need professional help and have consequences if they don't address the problem.
Affirming worth of yourself and your family. In crisis people's self-esteem tends to get attacked. In order to deal with the crisis and be effective, you need to believe in yourself and your ability to deal with the problem. You may even need to remind yourself and your family that your family is full of people with strengths and the ability to cope effectively.
Balance concern for yourself and for others. It's easy to get caught in how you're feeling when in a crisis. Being self-focused is self-destructive, as well only being focused on others. This means you need to work on how you're feeling and how others feel to help balance it out. For instance, if someone was being abused. You don't stay in the abusive relationship because your spouse needs you. The reverse being you don't just leave a relationship because you want room to grow, not taking any consideration for the other person.
Learn the art of reframing. This means redefining the meaning of something or changing the perspective you have of a situation. Redefining something from troublesome to adaptive and useful. For instance, instead of looking at someone in the family, who's having a drug problem as being problematic, you see them as someone who needs help and can overcome it.
Find and use available resources. There are many internal and external resources that families have and can turn to in times of crisis. For instance, family members can be great sources of emotional support. Also, being able to talk about your problems with each other is a great strength, as well as all the other strengths we identified earlier. Religious beliefs can be a great source of hope and strength, as well as giving a different perspective on the situation. External resources can be things such as books, friends, self-help groups, extended family and professionals, such as therapists. You can even look in the telephone book for local listings for drug abuse and addiction information, women's organizations & services or treatment centers. Another great help is school counselors or religious leaders.
My Thoughts and Invitation
I love that if we deal with a crisis in a healthy way, that we can grow closer together and prevent further problems. Also, remembering that a crisis can make you stronger and become better. We don't grow muscle without working against weight. One of the first steps to dealing with crisis to me, is admitting that something is wrong and asking or looking for help. You can't deal with something, until it's addressed. Even by just talking to someone about a problem, helps me to feel better. Please choose something that was shared and decide that you will work on it. I know for me, I can always work on improving my relationships and asking if there's any way that I can help those I know. What's something that stood out to you or helped you in times of crisis?
Link below to a good way of looking at a crisis
How To Deal With Crisis
An example of how to help. I found a crisis center where I live and you can even volunteer to help. Just type in family crisis into Google and find a center near you. Not only will you help others, but you can learn as well. Also, a great place if you need help.
Source: Marriage and Family: The Quest for Intimacy by Lauer & Lauer
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